Gone Fishin'

I haven't felt like blogging lately. I'm having a mini identity crisis. After working my tail off every day since I was 14, I am faced with a whole new reality. I have nothing I have to do, no where I have to be. Even through college I was working 2 part-time jobs, and volunteering at the fire department. Then I got a job at the PD and sometimes worked 50-70 hour weeks. Now, flat line.... What do I do with myself? I clean the house, go grocery shopping, cook meals, rearrange my table decorations, edit wedding pictures, cross stitch etc. I can't find a job until I get home from my 2 week trip to CA in June anyway though. I finished my resume, and it's all ready to hand out. But what do I do? I can't really work dispatch again, Hubby doesn't want me working nights, and I would rather not work weekends. I do want to find a part time job but the possibilities are a little overwhelming.

It's kind of like the people that live in houses that are full to the ceiling with junk, and they have to crawl in through a window because the doors are blocked with stuff. If closely scrutinized, these people are actually perfectionists. Sounds contradictory right? Not really. They really do want to clean it, but when they can't identify starting point it becomes paralyzing. There are too many possibilities, so they never actually start to pick things up,, and it snowballs out of control. Am I paralyzed by possibilities? It feels like I've lost my direction. I have nothing pushing me now, no one depending on me or on the decisions I make. I should be happy shouldn't I? I can do anything I want to do, right? I just have no idea what that is! I've been in public service so long- it feels like I should go back to it, but I have lots of other talents and interests too. Hubby and I want to have kids in a few years. So, I have this little window, this little gift of time, that I can really do something important with. And yes, it's paralyzing. Am I being selfish? Should I just keep my mouth shut and go work at a coffee shop or something and not worry about it? I feel like I should be helping people though... but is that just me being egocentric? aaaaack. I have a wonderful husband, he has a great job and takes good care of me. I don't even have to go to work if I don't want to! I really like my new home and new surroundings... it's beautiful here. Why can't I just be content? Maybe I sabotage myself. I guess all I really can do is keep praying about it, and wait for the Lord to show me what I'm supposed to do. This is why I haven't posted in a while.

On a lighter note, here are 2 clips of Big Brother. We went fishing on the lake a few days after Mom's wedding. He got a chance to 'drive' and was tickled pink. Then my brother caught a fish and Big Brother was excited! He thought it was very yummy later that night too!